To See Tax Brackets

So, I have been off the deep end lately. Not loving Jesus or anyone that much. Working lots and lots, not going to class and indulging crazy sin I would never admit to.

In this crazed state of total depravity I have realized that one thing I can't turn my back on is this wierd need for companionship. We all need it - truly God created us for community. If I refuse to find it in a good atmosphere, the enemy will provide it in another. Such is the case. My community now consists of the staff and regulars at my local bar and fellow associates at the hotel I work at.

This is all for context, now I will get petty....

There is this guy that I have quite the little crush on at work. It doesn't happen often in the last years that I have been particularly attracted to anyone - let alone a guy. Yet, I am totally all about it. Unfortunately this guy mystifies me by his lack of interest. Let's face it - this season's lack of spirituality aside, I am a pretty amazing individual.

I take this rejection and lay it at the feet of my father. Not my heavenly father - I don't take anything to Him anymore, but rather my earthly father. And for the first time that I can remember my father is actually uber supportive. His reply to my plight included that he "appeciate(s) this bohemien stage I am in - leaving my worldly lifestyle for Kentucky & Jesus..." and that I ultimately don't see certain attributes in people, including "the tax bracket they live in" So, I don't know - maybe I never turn my back on my need for companionship but occasionally, like a full eclispe - I let go of my pretenstiousness.


that's all i got, sorry

Lazy Dayz

Well, it's official - I'm taking some time off. I didn't do Jan term and I have three easy classes this semester to coast through. I will be working much more than last semester but, my job is so wonderful it is practically rejuvenating.
Part of these lazy dayz is a lot more time for contemplation - which can only be a bonus for my creative juices - hopefully this means I will be posting more often.

This is the picture I have been running with lately - monument of mercy
I read it in a puritan piece a while back and I just keep coming back to it. It even brought me to actually draw a picture the other night (Notice: Unlike some brave souls I would never post a personal drawing)

Anyway, I will pass on this little tidbit - run with it....maybe I will get around to a more indepth posting on it later (don't hold your breath)

Passion

The other night I was at work answering questions from a colleague about my background - what brought me out here, what I am doing at school, etc. I shared with her my interest in the academics, that I would rather sit in my room reading a book on doctrine than anything else. This individual - as well as most of the other people at this new job - spend a lot of time out and about in Lexington. They constantly share stories of parties, bars, and hangovers. So, you can imagine my surprise when this girl replied to my terribly boring agenda with, "Wow, You know - I wish I was passionate about something."

This has not been an isolated incident - I've been overwhelmed with opportunities to witness here. If you know me from Adam you know that I am not big on evangelism. Believe me, all of these opportunities have fell on my lap, I am not searching them out.

Much different from California however; sure these people are not living out their lives with Christ - but many if not all of my colleagues were raised in the church. They are shocked that I would come to the church without the help of my parents. Instead of being like myself - simply being unaware of church, these individuals have found something wrong or not good enough in the church. They have found it boring or lacking.

I'm just thinking out loud here.... but I'm glad that I've been able to witness.... I'm just surprised that they have equated me at all with "passion" =)

Coram Deo

"facing God" or "before the face of God"

Wow... I am really falling in love with this phrase. All of us know that God is all knowing and all seeing. We realize that He knows before we do all that is going to happen (or atleast, should admit that in my presence - you open view people just keep walking)
I don't know about you but, sometimes I put this thought on the backburner. I know that God is around and knows all that is going on, but I "purposefully forget" this idea from time to time. Sometimes when I am closing myself off from community - it includes God. I think to myself, "Nope, I don't want to talk to Him right now." Isn't that silly? and petty? Moving on - I read this phrase in Mouw's Calvinism in the Las Vegas Airport. It's a wonderful read and any thinking Christian could enjoy it.

It's similar I guess to the WWJD thinking but seems more awe-inspiring. Consider that your life, that all you do, beyond your choices to your relationships, to your thoughts (2 Corin. 10:15 anyone?) are all before God.

It's been a rough season but I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've begun to see again the freshness of theology. I've started to remember the first joys of it again. That excitement in the pit of my stomach when I consider how all these wonderful things fall neatly into place.

To put it most simply, I've begun to contemplate Him again. To live Coram Deo.

Plan A

Okay, this post is about pride, specifically my own. I've been moody and lolly gaggin (?) around the last few weeks about the fact that my "Plan A" is not going to happen.

In order to be annoyingly vague and applicable to all I will not go into details of "Plan A" other than it is well, "Plan A." So what are we to do? We were given a God given vision and somehow along the lines the pieces didn't fall into place and we are left cutting our losses and finding the proverbial "Plan B"

I'm sure my Calvie friends would use the good ole joke that I am simply "elect to suck" but, for the rest of us it is not so simple. I wish I could tell you that I spent hours on my face and days fasting when the Lord granted me peace about this. Okay - I don't really wish that. Contrary to popular belief I only like reading the Puritans :)

I'm constantly amazed by what I am not good at. Please read that line again - that's right - my humility is amazing. Seriously though, I'm consistently mucking up the most fundamental aspects of the Christian life. You want to know how I found peace in this situation? I shared my burden with a brother. Wow! It only took weeks for me to recognize that maybe somebody else's input could be pertinent.

And like most things I have found out as of late, Plan A is not as far out of my reach as I once thought, and neither is my community.

Cincinnati Day ;)

I was picking up an asburian at the airport last night so I just decided to "make a day of it" up in Cincinnati. It was a wonderful, awesome, totally grand day - all to myself, which makes it even better! I have enjoyed being alone in the dorm this week, but alas everybody needed to come back eventually. Not as long as Summer break though - so I am not quite ready to give up my common areas again... oh well.

Moving back to center - okay, Cincinnati. I first was simply driving around to get a feel for the place, drove by their version of Coney Island and looked at run down houses....beautiful.

Then I parked in downtown and walked over to CAC - the contemporary art museum. They had very wonderful pieces on display. I do enjoy these sorts of places - if only to claim my own "un-modernness" :) I especially enjoy these shows because almost everything seems to be installations - not just flat pictures. Personally I think this says a lot about our lack of imagination these days. Yet, I'm not the artist displaying literal trash between plywood. I must have that part of my brain missing. Oh well - I'll get over it.

One piece that I had vaguely heard of was by James Yarnada, entitled Spiritual Self Help it is a photo composed of every book found on amazon using keywords "spiritual self help" Very interesting (and flat) were the covers of "Spiritual Sex", "365 nirvana" or Brad Gooch's "Dating the Greek Gods." Anyway - I enjoyed it.

After the museum I hit the shopping... oh my lands how this was fun. It wasn't very busy at Macy's or Saks. I won't bore you with details.

Then I drove across the river to Newport, KY and hung out at their little shopping area. Sort of like Fashion Island for any OCers out there. I ate at an Irish restuarant and had a splendid meal of stuffed pork chops and an "emerald island" wedge salad. Shortly thereafter I went to the airport to pick up this asburian and came back to campus.

Okay, one more piece from the CAC caught my eye. It was a full installation which included movie shorts. One of the shorts by Iris Bernblum entitled, The Meal had a very eerie and engrossing storyline. It is a couple at dinner that are politely hating each other. The (director?/artist?) uses both fierce language and cut aways to a hand fight going on under the table cushioned by this beautiful restaurant and couple. Anyway, I say all this to tell you the last line. The whole thing is about the couple desiring the other one dead so the context is odd - but the words are very interesting:

"I wonder how dinner would taste alone?"
"Alone, you wouldn't taste anything at all."

Okay sorry - that again was a very long walk for this but, whatever - if you had something else to do you wouldn't be reading this blog.

For the record however, I find this dialogue to be a false statement... I enjoy my meals the most when I am alone. Wow... that prolly says way too much!

I'm fixin' to....

Wow... time is flying. So I am just throwing something out here cuz dude - it's almost november

I am learning all sorts of southern culture around here. Well, I guess the southern part is coming from my pastor's wife, she's from alabama. So, thanks to her I find myself saying things like "britches" or "fixin' to" or when I need to press something - "mash" hmmm. Oh the things you learn. Kentucky culture wise I have an ale-8 sweatshirt that I am lovin on and I now have a local cell phone. So woo hoo - let's see if anybody thinks I'm a native ;)

Okay - onto bigger and better things ----

Here's a point of contemplation that was brought up by a good friend a long time ago. For whatever reason (let's blame the Wesleyans) I have decided to re-examine it. Let me first share the context of the question: My good friend was working at a school library - a Christian University- where he noticed a couple fighting outside. He didn't hear much but could obviously tell that the boy in the situation was verbally attacking the girl. In this scenario we have three believers - the boy, the girl and the observer.

Now, if punches were flying or any kind of physical act was going on I'm sure someone - if not the observer himelf- would have put a stop to it. So, for arguments sake let's just put that down as a given. Yet, this verbal abuse went on a relatively long while and nobody made any move to change the situation.

Onto the point of contemplation: At what point should someone have stepped in on the victim's behalf? Does the role of community play a part in this decision? Does the "status" as believer on the part of any of the players make a difference?


I'm still chewing on this, or atleast I will be eventually - right now I am going to bed :)