Wrong Expectations

So, my father is coming to Kentucky. As usual I am trying to negotiate the best atmosphere for us to talk. We are going to be on campus only a short while and then spend a few days down in Gaitlenburg (?) together before heading up to visit the rest of the family in southern Indiana. My dad is an amazing man. He is intelligent, articulate, funny and humble. My father has passed onto me his love of books, the written word (little “w”), John Landis films, and a pride in doing things correctly. My father is one of those truly unique individuals who can run his life in a particular way without any desire to change others. You just take him or leave him. And frankly, most people leave him. There is not a malicious bone in his body – there just isn’t a compassionate one either.

These last few weeks have been filled with questions: How am I going to wrap up the gospel presentation this time? How am I going to share yet another dimension of God for my father to be dazzled? How can I “bring it” in a fashion that he will deem both worthy to be heard and followed?

These questions have been weighing heavy on my heart. I don’t mean to sound dark but, hell is a real place and I take seriously that it is exactly where my father is headed.

I remember a conversation I had with a prof when I first got to Asbury. I was so excited to meet him. He really was puffed up in my head. During our first conversation we talked about hell and calvinism. He said, “Hell is the rock upon which calvinism should break.” I didn’t say anything in response at the time – how could I? This was one of the few professors I moved across the country to study under. Yet, in my head at least I replied that Hell is the rock upon which calvinism is built. Hell is a real place and we can’t, we mustn’t squirm at it. Rather, we need to use that as a motivation to show the love of Christ.

Did I just say love of Christ? Yeah – I am all about sin and hell and puritans… I’m just not great with the whole love thing. That’s why it totally shocked me when one of my very good friends back home encouraged me that I should just love on my Dad the best I could. He told me to just let the Spirit lead and continue being the dispenser of God’s love. He reminded me that my biggest obstacle (the actual receiving of God’s love) is likely the same obstacle for my dad. My friend proceeded to call me on the fact that getting past my comfort zone might be exactly what both of us needed. So instead of some apologetics lecture I should just stick to how God is changing my heart – what He is doing in my life. I can’t describe how this advice, considering the source, floored me.

And so it seems that this entire season is filled with wrong expectations. Which, for the record, has been surprisingly good all around.

Periphery

I seem to always be on the edge of something. This semester is no different. I have situated myself on the periphery of an amazing group of people at the seminary. They are all so wonderful, dedicated, sanctified, loving. I on the other hand - am none of these things. Yet I'm trying. Or better yet, I'm trying to let the Lord spring these things from my clenched fists.

Fletcher. They have been meeting here since we all started last spring. They have grown in number, passion and love. I actually went to one of these meetings. For the time being however, I will just stick it out over in "Estes Jr." All summer I had conviction brewing about putting aside a regular time there....so I will do that. On the periphery.

Chapel. In undergrad I only went to chapel when "cool" people were speaking. I didn't care much for the word "mandatory" or the ensuing consequences. And I think last spring I went to a whopping 3 chapel services all semester....and that's on the outside. This is an area that I will move into the game. But chapel itself is on the edge in a way. It is the action that is caused by going to chapel that is the real deal. Once you get passed worshipping with your community, letting your guard down and opening your heart to the Lord in the presence of your peers - that is the moment of truth. That is when you push aside the title of spectator and go for it. Okay - I am not one for sports analogies but I think you get my drift...

We have to get passed ourselves.

Why I suck at Sims

Anybody out there into Sims? I like way totally am. I am hooked - I love it. It completely feeds my need to control things. Oh my goodness, I am so happy when I play Sims. Any kind of Sims, Sim City, Sim Farm - I have the complete collection. You want to know the funny part? I totally suck at it. You want to know why??? Wait for it.... because I am not God.

Valid, there are much, much lesser beings out there who can handle the Sims...I am just not one of them. But I was thinking the other day about why I totally suck at this game. It's the complexity of balance and knowing what the right decision is.... it's almost like sinking a toe into the pool of omniscience.

When I was first saved one of my favorite places to "meet God" was at the beach. I would wait till dark when people were gone - and go sit on a lifeguard tower. I would look out at the waves and be overwhelmed with humility. I was once told that we are all but a drop of water in the oceans of eternity.... wow - I still quiver at the thought.

So how are these things related? The fact I suck at Sims and the picture of sitting by the ocean? Both of these things have brought me to realize the vastness of God's Greatness - who would have thought? That answer being: God.

New Semester

I came across this passage while doing some last minute "fun" reading before getting to my new textbooks. It is found in a letter from Jonathan Edwards to one of his daughters - Esther Edwards Burr. Her husband had recently passed and her infant son (Aaron Burr the future Vice President) had fell ill. Jonathan Edwards' letter was in immediate response to her resolve of God's love.

"Indeed, he is a faithful God; he will remember his covenant forever; and never will fail them that trust in him. But don't be surprised, or think some strange thing has happened to you, if after this light, clouds of darkness should return. Perpetual sunshine is not usual in this world, even to God's true saints. But I hope, if God should hide his face in some respect, even this will be in faithfulness to you, to purify you, and fit you for further and better light."
(November 20, 1757)

It's something we have heard before, and maybe we have been on both sides of this situation. This is what our faith is about. This is why we have it. We are not believers simply to get a pass to heaven but rather to understand what God is doing here with us. This is the kind of faith and understanding of God that I want to have and pass on...

This is only slightly unrelated but - this is my prayer for the entire campus this coming semester:

That we may live like sin is sin and grace is grace. That we learn to better glorify God in all we say and do. And that we forever encourage those under our charge, in whatever capacity that may be, to do the same.